Since a couple of you have actually added me as friends since the end of 3.5, I just wanted to say that I am posting in a different location still. I have a blog which is my thoughts on my exile (so to speak and self-imposed) from the social scene. You're all more than welcome to read it, though I make no promises as to whether or not you will like it. I'm not perfect or blameless by any stretch of the imagination and that blog reflects it. I know I should post a link to the blog, but if I am not mistaken, most of you know where the blog is, even if you don't read it. If you don't, I will actually leave it up to you to find it.

Well, very unexpectedly, I have completely fallen in love with one of my casual friends that I've known since freshman near, but never really gotten to know until now, Irenka Carney. She is a wonderful person that fulfills all of my needs just by existing. After a very exciting week and a half of getting to know each other, we have started dating as of 10/10/2007. I would say more, but I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Thus ends chapter 3.5.

She's using me. Of this, I'm pretty sure, though I know it's not intentional. It stems from the fact that I'm nice, I'm sweet, I'm reliable. In a nutshell, I'm safe. I feel like this should upset me, but honestly, it doesn't.

The smell of her on my shirt is nearly intoxicating...

My mind feels like a bunch of static. I keep sitting down to write, but I feel some pressure, some annoying gnat inside my mind. I feel like I just can't focus, I just can't filter out the empty noise to push down to the genius within me. I know it's there because I've tapped into it before. My Boogie Man story was pure gold, even if it needs polishing still. However, right now I'm having trouble even pushing out pure crap.

Maybe it's because I've been feeling so stressed lately. Dealing with helping Kristina on top of my own drama plus school and work has really brought me down lately for some reason. I wouldn't think that it would cause so much problems, but I guess it's taken a larger emotional toll than I had thought. All I can think are stressful thoughts, thoughts that don't help me in the slightest. And I know that if I am not amused by my thoughts, my readers won't be either.

Well, I have a 10-18 page story due on Thursday morning and I am absolutely stumped. I was going to write a fun story about a college student that was perpetually stoned from his point of view (so that his hallucinations were reality), but that is turning out to be more of a chore than anything. I just can't seem to get the story going or anything. So I'm sitting around now trying to figure out what in the hell to write. Nothing is coming to my head and it's driving me crazy. I want to do something fun and whimsical and stay away from the deep and philosophical for now, but it's just not flowing.

I do apologize for complaining, but doing this is more than just complaining, it's writing. As I was taught in Intro, the secret to breaking writer's block is to just write. Can't write about what you want to write? Write about something else. I think I may go read one of the stories on The New Yorker's website (newyorker.com) and see if that will give me some inspiration. I have a feeling I'm going to end up writing something about the Hell Crew again.

Well, wish me luck.

My god is an angry god;
Feel the wrath of the storm.

As I write this, I'm sitting on the train heading back home, listening to Icky Thump. I was originally going to stop back in Champaign for a bit before I went back to Troy, but special circumstances have made it be otherwise. It seems that one of my friends from Troy, Brandon Thulon, has passed away. I didn't really know him that well, but I hung out with him for an entire summer and it left an impression on me. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm expected to make an appearance.

In other news, I've decided that I'm going to date Kristina again, so we're a couple again. My other options just didn't make sense for me to think about. If Kate was worth having a second chance with, she would have come to me first when pondering breaking up with Mike, not gone off and had sex with Matt instead. As for Morgan, she's made it pretty damn clear that she's not interested in me, so why should I wait around for someone who doesn't like me as more than a friend? On the other hand, Kristina's been there with me through so much and our relationship is tried and tested. Besides, I had so much fun visiting her.

Was it the right option? I don't know, but there's no way for me to know except for give it a shot. I might as well enjoy what I have and ride the waves of the present. If this isn't supposed to happen, I'm sure God will send me a sign and let me know.

This Notice brought to you by "A Martyr for my Love for You" by the White Stripes.

I'm trying to come up with a good fighting name. Here's what I have for now:

Cailean*
Dougal
Doran
Finian
Galvan*
Keegan
Keeran*
Morven
Orrin
Reardon
Ronit
Sheridan
Teague*
Tynan*
Aonghus***
Ciar
Ciardha*
Conlaed
Cormac***
Dubhshlaine***

Suggestions are appreciated. The stars are my favorites. Let me know what you think. Currently, I'm using Robigus, but I'd like something a bit more serious and fitting. I will probably use Nox or Noctis as a last name to go with these.

Edit, with the help of Steph, I think I came up with my formal fighting name:
Cormac Aonghus Nox

I wrote this as an additional to our class exercises on simile and metaphor.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/60586878/

Guess what? After much pain and suffering, I got my teeth back! So I took some crappy pictures for you all. Yay!

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/60505987/
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/60506184/
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/60506650/

Looks so much better in person, I swear.

I've got a particular moral dilemma that's been bugging me. Two of my major principals in life are a)not to withhold information, especially about how I feel, and b)not to interfere in a situation that doesn't need fixing. However, these are now coming into conflict. Which is more important, honesty or not interfering in other peoples' lives?

Well, for those of you who don't know, Kristina broke up with me a couple of days ago - via Facebook. Yes people, you don't have to check the screen again, I said Facebook. She txted me Wednesday morning before I left to have my tooth pulled with the note "Check your Facebook." So I did and lo-and-behold, I am single. Things have been rough for a while now, so I'm not surprised about the breakup, but I am surprised about the method. However, we talked about it, explained both our sides more clearly and although we're single, they were fine. We could still be friends and understood what each other needed.

That is, until today. This morning, I get an email saying that since she talked with one of the teachers that she works with, she is going to cut off all communications with me. Now, I know that a lot of people don't stay friends after a break-up, but come on, I'm not a lot of people. I still talk as friends occasionally to my first girlfriend who cheated on me eight times. So, yeah, that's pretty much the current situation.

Other than that, it seems like this has been the week for relationship problems. I've been on facebook a hell of a lot more lately and I've seen tons of people put the single label through the news feed. It's kinda scary. Even Kate is having relationship problems with her boyfriend. I hope she makes it through it alright, but she did promise that her and Mike would last longer than me and Kristina. I guess she's right.

It looks as though I have an appointment Monday after noon to have my new fake teeth put in, so I am excited. The only thing I'm not as excited about is the fact that it's right before my CS 231 exam and I want to make sure that I'm not late for it. I may ask Bobby for a ride in Tara's car if I can manage it. I really need to do well on that exam. Not because I did badly on the last one (I got a 93%), but because I want to blow everyone out of the water with my grades.

Filming is starting up again on Saturday after Angel has now finished battling with a bout of illness. That excites me for obvious reasons and I can't wait to get back to work with it. Who cares if I have to rewrite my 14 page paper this weekend, study for my exam, and catch up with all the work I missed last week? I get to be traveling and see people.

Speaking of Angel, I'm really excited because I get to move in with him and Julia next year. No more random roommate problems, yay! I'm a little worried about what it's going to be like living with Angel with the way he talks about parties and other assorted items, but I figure that living with a random roommate wouldn't be any better. At least since I know Angel, I can talk to him about things that bother me a little easier. He's an overall good guy and I trust living with him won't be so bad. Besides, I should probably experience what a party is like in college since I've never really been to one. It's a great research experience. Not to mention I've already met quite a few people through working with Angel.

With Kristina being gone, my social life will probably take a subtle hit, but I think that it will be better for my academic life. Having her life with me in the same room was never a good idea, honestly. It just drug us both down. However, if we lived in the same apartment with separate rooms, I think it would have been different. Alas, that wasn't able to happen. C'est la vie.

This comes from my cousin in an IM conversation we were having (edited for formatting). I thought it was too good not to be put as a list because it's actually some really wise advice.

There are too many problems when you lose friendships over a fight.
There are too many problems when you can no longer do the things you love.
There are too many problems when you can no longer talk to the people you love.
There are too many problems when you start ripping out your hair.
There are too many problems when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you want is a beer.

It's a short list, but it's a good essential list. As he told me later in the conversation, every single one of those was from personal experience. Do you have some more? I'd love to make this list grow as a list of guidelines for when it's time to call it quits.

Collar is here! ~love~

I'm sitting in Grainger Library after my CS 231 class and I'm just a little annoyed. For some reason, I can never log into DeviantArt from here. Normally, it's not that big of a deal, but I got some new notebooks this afternoon and I really wanted to talk about them. I wanted to talk about it on my DA account since it actually has to do with the current project that I'm working on.

Anyway, I bought two Moleskine notebooks from the Art Coop today. Absolutely beautiful notebooks, but expensive as hell. $11.09 for each of them. Dear lord, I'm glad I don't buy them in bulk like that one writer. I've started writing in one and I think I'm going to lable them with Roman Numerals since I will have to organize them some how.

What these notebooks are for are just for writing random lists so I can better learn about the characters. Most of them seem unimportant, like what food they eat or what clothes they own, but it really helps me get thinking about the characters and get excited about them. Now that I can get my ideas on paper, I really feel better. I'll probably take some of the price pages that aren't just lists and post them up in my scraps on DA.

I'm going to go finish up a few things before work, so I will write more later. Not sure if anyone reads this, but I assume someone probably does.

You know, it's strange feeling a mental slap to the face. I had one last night as I was walking through the DCL. I realized that I was working hard at messing up my life again by being awkward, silly, and childish. At least this time, I don't have to wait for something tragic to happen first.

To put this simply and discreetly, I've been letting my personal life affect my professional performance and has been causing me to act like a buffoon. This just won't do. I went back to being paranoid and shy, worrying about the smallest details like the people I despise. Luckily, I've had this revelation and I can change that.

Here's a plug for the place that I got my new collar from. You should check them out.

Well, I haven't posted to this thing in forever. I've been mainly posting in on my DeviantArt journal (robigus.deviantart.com), but due to some recent events, I've decided to post here from time to time. I won't elaborate on those events by request by someone else, but a lot of stuff is happening lately.

By talking to a new friend of mine, I've decided that I'm going to be a bit adventurous and go check out a few different things around campus. One of them is Belegarthe which I've wanted to check out since freshman year, but never really did. I figure this is probably the best opportunity that I've gotten, since I actually know a few people in it now. A lot of the people in the movie that I'm in are part of it, so it seems like it could be a great deal of fun. I wish it was a smaller group like the one back home, but we'll see. Hell, if I could just find a couple of people willing to spar now and again, I'd be happy.

I'm also doing a lot of thinking about exploring the interest that I have in the Jewish faith. Those who have known me well know that I've always had a special interest in the Jewish faith, but have never pursued it beyond an academic study. However, during our last night of filming, I spent four hours discussing different things with a Jewish girl that I met. My parents are excited that I wanted to look more into this, but Kri was less than thrilled.

I'm working on a new story in my head that is actually not for class this time. It's about Isaac ("Izzy?") Dreamer who is a pothead that lives alone in an apartment at college. He is unable to tell the difference between real life and his hallucinations, but doesn't really care. Due to this, I'm thinking of having him live with a couple of hallucinations. It should be interesting, should I be able to pull it off.

I mentioned to movie that I was in earlier, so I guess I should say more about it. The movie is titled "Mere Anarchy" and it is a post apocalyptic drama about a world in which every religion's apocalypse happens. It's an interesting movie, but the director/producer doesn't really have any film experience. So when we went to do filming last time, we were there for four hours and maybe got a couple minutes of shooting out of it. I really hope that the rest of the shooting isn't like this. I've got it easy. I have no social life to speak of and live in the same town, so I can pretty much go whenever. However, at least three of our other cast members live an hour away from CU, so it's a two hour drive each day that Angel needs them. Talk about a bummer.

Classes are going well. Just turned in our second story for our CW class and I'm really proud of my latest story. I have it posted up on DeviantArt if you want to take a look at it (http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/58842893/). Had our first midterm in CS 231 and the only thing I got wrong was one number on the whole test. So it looks like I'm getting my high school like intelligence back.

Have to go over to Freshmen Orientation today with CITES (The IT department I work for) apparently. They didn't tell me until a few minutes ago, yay. Anyway, I'm gonna get going so I can finish my homework and run.